Ode to the Yeomen of the Guard

There are very few theatrical delights,
To equal the sight of men in tights.
This week the men of the G&S,
Have all been featured in The Dunfermline Press.
In the autumn of their lives, they hold their halberds hard,
As the latest recruits of The Yeomen of the Guard!

Set in Tudor times, there are ladies, maids and wenches,
Knitting, sitting, singing, or spinning yarns on benches.
We’ve Susanne as Phoebe, shedding salty tears,
Giving the most emotional performance I’ve seen in many years.

While Claire in all her ribboned glory is blindfolded to be a wife,
Hopefully, Ritchie and her didn’t do that in real life!
Liz as Dame Carruthers sets her sights on Sgt. Merryl,
Can she capture him with Rapture, or will he escape at his own peril?

While Martin leads the principal men in his doublet, sword and hose,
I wonder if real Tudor chaps wore tights under their clothes?
Rebecca makes her debut as the fragrant Kate,
While Nick tries to save Fairfax from a fearful fate.

George plays the evil Shadbolt, with torture on his mind,
Mary assures us that, in real life, he’s really rather kind!
While Mike and all his stage crew work hard creating magic,
Poor Robin as Jack Point moves from comedy to tragic!

Historically accurate troosers put John Allan in a flap,
Luckily he was saved by a big stud in his gap!
This year Jack’s delighted to be a Yeoman of such class,
He travels to the Tower with his trusty old bus pass!

Backstage, Lynn, Elaine and I try to keep the cast fantastic,
With safety pins and kirby grips and garters of elastic!
The interval flies by with Sinead’s sizzling quiz,
Which tantalising team will prove they are a whizz?

Hopefully Peter and Eddie will know joy days unalloyed
As the cheers of the audience keep them beautifully buoyed!
Their days of terror will be no more,
Now they can plot and plan for Ruddigore!

Kerry Black – 25 February 2016